Family Bonding on the Road

Some people think we are crazy, and they are probably right. For the third time, our family decided to embark on a cross-country adventure mini-van style. There is no better way to create a family bond than to be stuck in a car together for four straight days.

Planning a vacation for five on a budget is not easy, and that is one more reason to go by car. We traveled from Farmington, Minn. to Myrtle Beach, S.C. for winter break. We even took the long way, stopping in Des Moines, Iowa for an early Christmas with my in-laws. Getting to Myrtle Beach, which is 23-hours away, took us four days.

After our early Christmas, we decided to head straight south to get to warmer weather. Our first stop was St. Louis, Mo., where my hubby had planned an outing to the Incredible Pizza Company. This place looked like a casino and it delighted my children (an especially hubs) to no end.

My hubby's other quest for our journey was to find hockey jerseys at Targets in every state we went to. Much to our dismay, hockey isn't very popular in the south, but we did manage to pick up a few college football jerseys, pillows and hats.

Let me also mention that while most children sleep in the car, mine don't. Ever. I have three insomniacs. Throughout the entire adventure, I got a one hour catnap out of the two and six year old and the four-year old sucked his thumb a lot, but avoided sleep at all costs.

However, my kiddos are great car travelers. After all, who wouldn't mind singing songs, playing road games and eating endless snacks? We did give in a bit to technology and hooked them up with movies, Pandora and Angry Birds.

As much fun as the adventure down was, we decided to extend our stay at the beach another day and high-tail it home in two days. And yes, those were two hellish 12-plus hour days.

Day one began en route to Indianapolis with a stop at a souvenir shop in the middle of nowhere South Carolina. We filled up on last-minute goodies to bring home. We watched as the GPS arrival time creeped up a little more.

When we entered North Carolina, my husband asked me to locate a Target near the Interstate so he could look for more jerseys. Given my superior navigation skills, I found a Target in Ashville that was near a highway, but it was three away from the one we were on! Our GPS took us on twists and turns through this cute mountain town. Forty-five minutes later we arrived at the off the beaten path Target, only to discover the jerseys were sold out! The clock creeped even further ahead. Tick tock, tick tock.

To save time, we decided to eat our meals in the car that day. Four "I have to go potty" stops and a few diarrhea diapers later, we finally made it to Kentucky around 10 p.m. And then it happened, four-year-old Eithan says, "I'm gonna barf! Too much chocolate milk!"

We looked around and there was nowhere to stop. I handed him a plastic bag and told him to use it. Of course he missed, and warm recycled chocolate milk spewed everywhere in our car and on everything inside it. Poor Eithan was covered from head to toe in puke! We stopped in BF Kentucky where I paid $6 for a can of air freshener and did our best to clean up the mess. We finally arrived to our hotel after midnight and for the first time ever, all three children had fallen asleep.

This made for an interesting drive home the next day. We decided to drive like bats out of hell and minimize any stops. The car reeked of stale milk and I had to hold my breath the entire way because the smell made me nauseous. We made it home safe and sound by 8 p.m. on New Year's Eve. What a perfect way to end the year.

Despite the challenges, I wouldn't trade this adventure for anything in the world. We've given our kids an experience that they will remember for years to come. Road tripping is still the best way to get a true American experience.

Stacey Ackerman is the author of Supermom: A Postpartum Anxiety Survival Story and lives in Lakeville, Minn., with her husband Eirik and children Evan, Eithan and Emily.

Paying it Forward

After I got over my postpartum anxiety crisis, the first thing I wanted to do was bury it far, far in the back of my mind. I wanted to pretend that PPD never happened to me; like it was just another mother's bad dream. That would have been the easier thing to do.

However, after I recovered from PPD, I knew my life had changed forever. I had a new sense of appreciation for my health and my family. I also knew that there were so many women out there that were searching for a light of hope.

When I was sick, all I wanted to find was someone else who understood me. It is impossible to explain mental illness to those who have never experienced it. After all, how can you be sick inside when you look fine on the outside.

That's when I decided to 'Pay it Forward'. If I am able to help other mother's out there, and even rock the boat a little bit when it comes to postnatal care, then maybe what I went through was meant to be.

I am here today and I am fine. I've emerged from hell and back, and so can other PPD mom's. It takes a lot of faith, strength and perseverance to overcome such a horrific obstacle that's put in a new mom's way, but it can be done.

People ask me if my life is the same as before PPD. It's not the same, nor will it ever be. I am so much more in tuned with my emotions than ever before. I am also a lot better about prioritizing the things that matter the most in my life. And finally, I'm a much more empathetic person than I used to be.

Material things used to be really important to me. I wanted a perfect house, a nice car, great clothes. Now I'd rather sacrifice the high-paying corporate job that would allow me those luxuries if it means more time with my family and spreading the word about PPD awareness. To me, those are the true luxuries in life.

Stacey Ackerman is the Author of Supermom: A Postpartum Anxiety Survival Story. She can be reached at stacey@supermombook.org.

Embracing Halloween

This year, I embraced Halloween with open arms. I am not afraid of this spooky holiday any more. I was finally able to truly feel joy in this celebration and it has become a special day for our family.

Two years ago things were very different. I was in the midst of a postpartum crisis, locked away in a hospital psych ward. I can remember looking out of the window in the hospital gathering room and longing to be with my children, who were looking forward to trick or treating that evening. I cried uncontrollably, because the separation and pain I felt at that moment was too unbearable.

That night it became public information about where I had gone. In fact, my neighbors hadn't even noticed I had been missing for a week, but found it strange that I was no where in sight when my husband took the kids out for Halloween without me.

This was my first step in being honest with my situation. Even though it felt shameful to share our family crisis, it was out there.

Last year Halloween was really difficult. I was still experiencing a lot of post-traumatic stress disorder and the day triggered a lot of that trauma. I treaded lightly last Halloween. This year I embraced it fully.

For years from now, Halloween will be a family affair. As long as we are all together, it's alright by me.

Stacey Ackerman is the author of Supermom: A Postpartum Anxiety Survival Story and lives in Lakeville, Minn., with her husband Eirik and children Evan, Eithan and Emily.

Anxiety and Asthma

The two A's - anxiety and asthma are kicking my ass this week. The two definitely don't mix. It's really and oil and vinegar kind of combo.

Last winter, unbeknownst to me, I suddenly developed asthma. I found myself in the place that gives me the worst panic attacks ever - the hospital.

As I sat in the emergency room bed, all I could think of was being locked up in the psych ward. I suddenly wanted to flee. I did not want to be admitted to the hospital under any circumstances. My heart was racing, and my already labored breathing got worse. I was trembling and sweating with fear. Even though it was a totally different circumstance from my ppd hell, it felt all too familiar.

Now my asthma attacks have returned, followed by its friend anxiety. I ran a 5k this summer. Now I can't even climb my stairs without feeling like I'm going to keel over. I want to kick this crap - I'm a busy working mom of three and I don't have time to be knocked on my ass.

Then comes my friend anxiety trailing behind. It is wondering why the prednisone, flovent, allergy pills and albuterol nebs every four hours are not helping. It is feeding on my fear - will I be back in the hospital again? Then I wonder if it's just my imagination. Is it post-traumatic stress disorder, or am I physically ill? When I had ppd, I couldn't tell the difference.

I ask my hubby over and over for validation. "Do I seem any better to you?" I ask. "No, you seem about the same," he replies.

Nope, it's real. It's not my messed up head this time, though my head keeps taking me to places that I don't want to go.

Tomorrow I am seeing my asthma specialist. For today, I hope to kick these A's in the ass!