Top 10 Things I'm Grateful For

I often complain about what I don't have, or what I wish I had. More time. More money. A bigger house. A cooler car. Perfectly behaved children. My pre-baby weight.

However, I'm feeling in the spirit of Thanksgiving today, so instead of "what if" I am going to focus my energy on the wonderful things that I have in my life. Here is my list:

Top 10 Things I'm Grateful For

1) My husband. Even though I complain when you leave dirty dishes in the sink and wear your shoes in the house, you are my rock. We have been together through good times and bad, and I look forward to many more years of chaos!

2) My children. My children have shown me what it's like to love wholeheartedly. Despite the whining, temper-tantrums and full-blown chaos you create, I wouldn't have it any other way.

3) Coffee. While I often abuse you, you get me through those sleep-deprived mornings. You are also my guilty pleasure when I spend $4 on a single cup.

4) My anxiety disorder. I realize this one seems really strange, however, it's this part of my self-discovery that has allowed me to take care of myself. Now I go to yoga and get massages guilt-free - it's therapy!

5) Postpartum depression. I NEVER thought I would be grateful for the nightmare that plagued our family two years ago, but "That which does not kill us makes us stronger". I am a survivor. I am a fighter. And now I am a compassionate healer to other women.

6) Chocolate. Need I say more!

7) Gossip Magazines. It is this senseless reading that helps me relax and unwind after a stressful day. After all, with problems such as what to wear to the Academy Awards, it makes my troubles seems, well...

8) HGTV. This allows me to dream about a fabulous vacation home or what I want my next house to look like. However, it also makes me think how lucky I am to live in such a great neighborhood with a wonderful sense of community, a huge yard for my kids to run around in, and the hardwood floors and stainless steel appliances aren't half bad either.

9) My Health. Even though anxiety and asthma have kicked my ass over the past year, I'm still healthy overall. I can walk, talk and play with my children.

10) My Parents. Even though I'm 37, I still need my mom and dad. Over the past few months I've seen my parents battling health problems, which makes me realize how short life really can be.

What are you grateful for? I'd love to hear from you!

Stacey Ackerman is the author of Supermom: A Postpartum Anxiety Survival Story and lives in Lakeville, Minn., with her husband Eirik and children Evan, Eithan and Emily.

Paying it Forward

After I got over my postpartum anxiety crisis, the first thing I wanted to do was bury it far, far in the back of my mind. I wanted to pretend that PPD never happened to me; like it was just another mother's bad dream. That would have been the easier thing to do.

However, after I recovered from PPD, I knew my life had changed forever. I had a new sense of appreciation for my health and my family. I also knew that there were so many women out there that were searching for a light of hope.

When I was sick, all I wanted to find was someone else who understood me. It is impossible to explain mental illness to those who have never experienced it. After all, how can you be sick inside when you look fine on the outside.

That's when I decided to 'Pay it Forward'. If I am able to help other mother's out there, and even rock the boat a little bit when it comes to postnatal care, then maybe what I went through was meant to be.

I am here today and I am fine. I've emerged from hell and back, and so can other PPD mom's. It takes a lot of faith, strength and perseverance to overcome such a horrific obstacle that's put in a new mom's way, but it can be done.

People ask me if my life is the same as before PPD. It's not the same, nor will it ever be. I am so much more in tuned with my emotions than ever before. I am also a lot better about prioritizing the things that matter the most in my life. And finally, I'm a much more empathetic person than I used to be.

Material things used to be really important to me. I wanted a perfect house, a nice car, great clothes. Now I'd rather sacrifice the high-paying corporate job that would allow me those luxuries if it means more time with my family and spreading the word about PPD awareness. To me, those are the true luxuries in life.

Stacey Ackerman is the Author of Supermom: A Postpartum Anxiety Survival Story. She can be reached at stacey@supermombook.org.

Embracing Halloween

This year, I embraced Halloween with open arms. I am not afraid of this spooky holiday any more. I was finally able to truly feel joy in this celebration and it has become a special day for our family.

Two years ago things were very different. I was in the midst of a postpartum crisis, locked away in a hospital psych ward. I can remember looking out of the window in the hospital gathering room and longing to be with my children, who were looking forward to trick or treating that evening. I cried uncontrollably, because the separation and pain I felt at that moment was too unbearable.

That night it became public information about where I had gone. In fact, my neighbors hadn't even noticed I had been missing for a week, but found it strange that I was no where in sight when my husband took the kids out for Halloween without me.

This was my first step in being honest with my situation. Even though it felt shameful to share our family crisis, it was out there.

Last year Halloween was really difficult. I was still experiencing a lot of post-traumatic stress disorder and the day triggered a lot of that trauma. I treaded lightly last Halloween. This year I embraced it fully.

For years from now, Halloween will be a family affair. As long as we are all together, it's alright by me.

Stacey Ackerman is the author of Supermom: A Postpartum Anxiety Survival Story and lives in Lakeville, Minn., with her husband Eirik and children Evan, Eithan and Emily.