Sunday, September 5, 2010

Mommy Jail

Have I scarred my kids for life by showing them jail or did I teach them a really great lesson?

It all started one day when I put Evan in "mommy jail". As summer was dwindling, so was my 5-year-old's attitude and my patience with him. I think someone took my sweet, innocent little boy and replaced him with a smart-mouthed hellion. He could give any parent of a teenager a run for their money! I hate to see what he'll be like as a teen if he keeps up this attitude.

So one night when my husband and I were running out of discipline strategies, we watched Supernanny together and took copious notes.

The next day when Evan lipped off to me, I followed Supernanny's directions to a T. Step one: warning; Step two: time out; Step three: get down to the child's level and discuss their behavior.

After about 10 tries at this methodology, Evan continued to mock the timeout process. After keeping my cool for so long, I finally lost it and said, "Go to your room, you're not getting dinner, you're going straight to bed!" I felt bad about the no dinner, so I brought him a tray of carrots and a cheese sandwich and said, "See, this is how people in jail eat. You're in jail for being naughty."

Evan has always been smarter than his years and said to me, "Mom, you can't put me in jail, that's what the police do." I was determined to win this battle so I told him, "You're in mommy jail." I then went on to explain that I didn't want him to grow up to be a bad guy and that little boys that don't listen to their parents often end up in jail.

Apparently this message stuck, perhaps a little too well. That night he cried to his daddy, "I don't want to grow up to be a bad guy."

A few days later, the sassing started again. I really think he's just bored and needs to start school, but nonetheless I can't stand it. We were on the way to take a bike ride around the lake when I turned around the mommy van and said, "Let's go visit jail."

There was a look of horror on Evan's face like I'd never seen before. "No mommy, I don't want to go to jail!" You aren't going to jail, I explained, "We're just going to visit some guys that didn't listen to their mommies when they were little and they made some bad choices. I don't want you to ever go to jail."

Perhaps I took this jail thing a little too far. But mind you, this jail is like the Sofitel of jails. It was built two years ago and resides next to a giant Lifetime Fitness and some huge new houses. Hey, if I had to go to jail, this one definitely wouldn't suck. Besides, it isn't exactly a high security prison. More like the place that you go if you have too many speeding tickets.

I called my mom and asked her if taking my boys to visit jail was wrong. She said, "What a great idea!" Then it hit me. I've started mothering like my mother. This is exactly the kind of crazy thing that she would do, and now I've done it too!

So is he scarred for life or cured of his disrespectful behavior? I guess only time will tell.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Evan's Ice Cream Shoppe

Eirik and I have big dreams for our kids someday. We don't care if they're doctors or lawyers, but we would love them to be entrepreneurs!

I took the kids to the park the other day. There is a bench with a window. Evan sat on the bench and decided he would open up his own business called, "Evan's Ice Cream Shoppe." He told his little brother Eithan that he was supposed to get the customers. Three-year-old Eithan went around to all of the kids at the park and said, "You've got to get some ice cream at Evan's Ice Cream Shoppe."
Evan then told the kids that the ice cream was $10 each. That's my boy, way to put a premium on your product! When Eithan tried to help sell ice cream, Evan said, "No, Eithan. You get the customers!" When it was time to go, Evan found a girl to "work" at the shoppe. "I've got a helper, we can go now," he said.

I had to immediately call Eirik. I knew he would be so proud of his boys. As parents, we thought about Evan running the operations and Eithan in charge of sales with a real business of their own someday. We can only hope that they are entrepreneurial-minded and never rely on someone else's business for their livelihood.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Das Pukenshit Haus

There are many days in my life since becoming a mom that I felt like I was living in Das Pukenshit Haus. Today was one of those days! My mom babysat last night and slept over. It was a wonderful Sunday morning, and a rare day where I got to sleep in late as Nana got up with the baby. I lazily strolled downstairs to learn that the baby had diarrhea and she was giving her a bottle of water. Whew, I got out of this one! That is until six hours later when I found the diarrhea diaper still sitting on the changing table, breathing in the open air. Gotta love that smell! Then I noticed my cat, who has a strange fixation with eating balloon strings, had regurgitated it and was eating the leftovers as a snack! Top that off with my three-year-old, who seems to have forgotten show to do number two on the potty. The evening ended with his second bath of the day, thankfully from his very wonderful dad, who did his best to remove the poop that was all over his third change of clothes. Yes, it's glamorous being the Supermom in Das Pukenshit Haus!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Too Tired for Coffee

This morning, after a 6 a.m. awakening with my slightly feverish 10-month old daughter, I was looking around my kitchen knowing I had to do something that is part of my morning routine, but what was it? Oh yeah, make coffee. You know you're tired when you're too tired to remember to make coffee!

Yesterday I came down with one of those terrible summer colds, and unfortunately my daughter had it too. I decided to have a rare "home" day, but like other Supermom's out there, it consisted of baking cookies, playing outside, making homemade barrettes, putting away five loads of laundry, working on my book, attending a faculty meeting, grading papers, doing dishes, making lunches, letting in the drywall guy, cleaning up my three-year-old's poop, etc., etc., etc. Let's face it, there's no such thing as a sick day for a mom!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Ouch, Stitches!!!

Oh no, not Eithan again! My poor little guy (3) has been in the hospital so many times, but this time it was for stitches.

Grandpa was babysitting and had given him a bath. He then went running full blast on the bathroom floor, slipped and split his chin open on the ceramic tub. Grandpa didn't see any reason to call me and let me know.

When I came home from a session with my therapist and a trip to the craft store, I asked why Eithan wasn't wearing a shirt and he said, "Because he bled all over it." After being home for about 15 minutes, my dad said, "You may want to look at his chin, I put a Band-Aid on it." I had my dad remove the bandage because it freaked me out, and I gasped when I saw the huge gape in his chin.

I then called the pediatricians office and was put on hold for an eternity..."There are four callers ahead of you..........." Arrghh! Finally, I got through to the nurse and she told me to bring him to the children's hospital.

Eithan said he wanted daddy, and my husband Eirik left work to meet us at the hospital. Eithan was such a brave little guy - he didn't even cry when the nurse gave him four stitches on his chin. He was very excited by the Popsicle and all of the stickers he received.

As for mom, I've had better days! There is nothing more heart-wrenching than seeing your child in pain.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Hold It!

The other day my son Eithan said he had to go potty. I told him, "Can't you just hold it?" He said, "No mommy, I can't find my pee pee to hold." Ahh, boys!