Last Monday I had three kids at home all day. Sick. With the flu. Stuck inside on a cold Minnesota winter day. It was the day from hell. I just wanted it to end. As I tried to grade papers for my online classes, clean up diarrhea, sanitize everything and keep the kids from killing each other, I wanted nothing more than to run away.I called my husband at work in desperation saying, "Don't go anywhere after work. Come home immediately. I need to get out of here!"
I could feel my chest tighten and my nerves go crazy. There is nothing I hate more than being confined at home. It makes me feel trapped and claustrophobic. Even if I wouldn't go anywhere, knowing that I couldn't go anywhere made me feel insane.
To make matters worse, my kids didn't have fevers with this bug, so their energy level wasn't compromised. They had full ammunition for tattling and insults.
"Mom, Eithan took my toy!" said Evan. "Mommy, Emily hit me!" cried Eithan. "I'm poopy 'gain," said Emily.
When Eirik walked in the door at precisely 4:24 p.m. I made my escape. Phew, I'm out of prison, I thought to myself.
I went to Panera to grab some dinner alone and try to grade papers in peace. I took a deep breath and enjoyed the peace and quiet.
Until, it happened. I heard the laughter of small children. And then I felt really sad and lonely. It had only been an hour or so, but I missed my three little people. I felt guilty that I wasn't more patient today, and that I wasn't enjoying the time I got to spend with them.
I missed their little laughs, their funny jokes, their adorable smiles. Why couldn't I see those things all day? Why did I only see the shittiness of the day?
Tomorrow I will try to enjoy the cute smiles, despite the crap that the day may bring.
